Kiran Rao 's Big Interview

 Surrogacy shouldn’t become a money making racket!  

Kiran Rao on everything that touched her life.

 Afsana Ahmed

It’s remarkable to see Aamir Khan’s petite wife Kiran Rao holding power in her name, in view of her non- relationship with Bollywood. Nothing like any superstar wife- the lot usually identified as nice set pieces, visibly disinterested in worldly affairs--Kiran inhabits a world far away from the glamour world. Be it her passion for her work (filmmaking), her deep interest as a home maker or her definite standings in some matters,  Kiran is unmistakably a woman of today.

Her intentions are also noteworthy. Whether it is propagating the concept of surrogacy through practice or backing small time filmmakers like Anand Gandhi ( Ship Of Theseus),she is certainly an emerging force.

Perhaps that’s why we feel Kiran is organic in every sense of the word and her evolution, in all honesty, is something worth exploring. Friendly, sweet and cheerful, she brings along a fresh energy into the room  as we sit in her new sea facing Cater road pad-- an temporary arrangement for two years--to understand her transition from a nonentity to a confident public personality.

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Having set a trend with surrogacy, what do you have to say to Shah Rukh and Gauri Khan who recently opted for surrogacy?

The arrival of a new one at home is a beautiful feeling! And they have been parents before, so I’m sure I don’t need to tell them what joy it is to be new parents. I wish them all the best.

What are your thoughts on surrogacy?

Surrogacy doesn’t always work. It should be treated as a last resort, not the first. One just hopes that it doesn’t become a money making racket, sort of an inter-womb scam. And most certainly, it shouldn’t be used as an option for people who wants it easy and doesn’t want to play with their figures. In the past there have been some cases like this when certain women do not want to go through the childbirth pain and the hassle that comes along. I feel those are shallow reasons for opting for surrogacy.

Is there lot of hassle around it?

I feel it’s a viable option for those desirous ones and so long it is done ethically and within the legal framework. It should really be a way out for people who cannot have children and other people who are generous and needy enough who will be able to oblige. One has to ensure that surrogacy is looked after and that there has to be a valid reason behind the step taken.

Did you lose hope when you went through a miscarriage and the post complications?

At that point I mentally prepared myself that I won’t have a child and eventually accepted my fate. And because there was Aamir’s child, Ira and Junaid, I didn’t feel the need to adopt. That would have been an option otherwise. When you trying too hard to have a baby and you fail, you tend go through so many pains. But time is a great healer. Surrogacy worked for us and Azad came into my life.

Any advice to those who cannot conceive?

Then you have to make peace with the fact that life can be complete without kids. There’s so much life has to offer. You find other ways to fill that vacuum.

Everyone’s appreciating SOT. But why choose a movie with so little market viability?

I feel filmmakers who have some say in terms of influence, should take it a as duty upon themselves to create opportunities for different kind of films. It’s also our discretion to choose the content and present it to the audiences. Look at cinemas around our world. Why can’t our audiences have access and reach to such brilliant cinemas? Only then can they decide what they want to watch. But at least let’s give them the option to decide. I feel our industry will be enriched if we make different kinds of cinema in different languages and get a theatrical release across especially in big cities which have larger and more awakened audiences. I understand such filmmakers don’t have money to push their film in big cities. So if we should take that initiative and create a demand and need for it because people haven’t sampled such cinemas before. 

You think you can set a trend of sorts for others follow?

It’s exciting that there is an interest in each other’s work and a lot of sharing between the young filmmakers today. And that I see is translating into a common goal. That’s the only way we can grow as filmmakers. I’m not on social media but I hear people who are there are even more connected and this includes filmmakers. Onir, had come up with a petition on Indie cinema and lot of us had signed on it. Country wide people are making indie cinema and facing issues on distributions and exhibitions. So these are things that we actually should be crashing out together and try to solve these problems together. So yes, I foresee a change.

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There are many things that bind Aamir and Reena together!

 Are you friends with any of the star wives? BOX

I have met Gauri (Khan) and Susanne (Roshan) a couple of times and I’m getting to know them better. In that sense, they aren’t really my good friends even though I have always found Susanne very warm and sweet. I have chatted with her on a few occasions. I suppose we choose our friends whom we want to be close to. My industry friends are mostly filmmakers and technicians.

What advise you would give those girls who dream of marrying movie stars?

I feel the dreams of having a child with a filmstar or marrying one is fairly a teenage dreams. Hope they’ll grow out of it. I understand millions of girls out there wants to marry a Ranbir Kapoor and I don’t blame them because he’s so desirable, but I would like to tell them that look around and you may find someone not as famous as him, but someone who is equally handsome and who would want to share his life with you. That should be much more important than whether the person is rich and famous. As you go along in life you realize all marriages and relationships, whether it's a filmstars’ or otherwise go through their personal struggles. So don’t aim to marry a film star, but aim to enrich yourself internally. I also feel it’s important to first find happiness and a sense of fulfillment within yourself, else the dreams of being fulfilled only through marriage or children sort of loose their significance.

Aamir becomes a recluse when he is shooting. Does that bother you that you don’t get to spend enough quality time to spend with him?

Ever since Azad was born he’s been incredibly busy, first with the first season of Satyamev Jayate, then prepping for Dhoom and Peekay. Now again he’s caught up with the research of SMJ 2, and wrapping up Dhoom and Peekay. So it’s been crazy. That’s why Azad and I packed up and went to Chicago and spent 3 months there when he was shooting for Dhoom. Then we went to Rajasthan and stayed with him for a month during Peekay. It’s difficult for me, but we know it’s just a phase and hopefully life will be little ordered once the movies are over.

How does he make it up?

I realize he also misses it but he doesn’t have much choice. If he comes in late from his shoot he’ll go to Azaad’s room, pick him up from his sleep and cuddle him because he hasn’t seen him the whole day. Sometimes we do some things that are impromptu like we sit up the night or watch a movie or a match together. That aside we try and take a quick swim time together on a Sunday.

  Do you miss your previous life?

 I love this question. Yes I do especially some things of my previous life. Being anonymous, not being able to bag pack as and when I want to or indulge in lazy cooking are few things I really miss. I’d a great time when I was single. Nobody knew me or cared what I did. I suppose everyone who gets into a structured life of a marriage and family misses that freedom of doing things your own way. Yeah, you sometime get lonely when you’re single, but I don’t miss that part.

But don’t you cook in your house now?

Ever since I got married I didn’t get a chance to cook. And if the family you’re married into is larger and stays together, you have to cater to their different needs. For this you need trained cooks though I cook on rare occasions. But I love collecting cook books; it’s an obsession with me. I read it at leisure.

Aamir’s mom is a fantastic cook. Have you learnt anything from her?

My sisters- in-law and I did try and learnt few dishes like 3 kinds of kheemas; patile ka pasanada; aloo ghost and sukhander ghost from ammi. But I’m yet to learn her trademark `biryani’. She’s an amazing cook. Her cuisines are so nuanced and fine that it’s truly worth documenting. 

How’s Aamir family towards you and Reena, his ex wife? BOX

 I’m relieved that everyone in this family is remarkably matured and open. It’s great to feel this sort of complete naturalness about our relationships that all of us share. I’m happy that I married into a family where Aamir’s two lovely kids (Ira and Junaid); Reena and her wonderful family came along. Aamir’s family, even today includes Reena in everything they do. Because that’s natural and she would always be a part of this family whether or not she is married to Aamir.

Is it naturally easy to accept such a thing?

When two people are divorced their relationship cannot end overnight, especially if they’ve been lived and grown up together spending a good twenty five years in each other’s company. I wouldn’t think that we should deal with it in any other way. Infact if people had sort of cut off from Reena, I would have found it most strange!

Doesn’t it bother you?

Reena has been closer to Aamir’s family more than me. Aamir’s sibling has seen them grow up together. There are so many things that still binds Aamir and Reena together. Aamir has always been open about the fact that he cares for Reena and how she’s an important part of his life. Honestly there’s no ounce of insecurity.

Is Reena your friend too?

Oh yes. A dear friend! Knowing fully well that I was an outsider, not everybody would have accepted me so warmly the way Reena did. She is a very warm, affectionate, welcoming and nice person. She’s always made the effort to get to know me better and never made me feel left out on any occasion. I was always included in her list, whether it was her Christmas presents lists, or an invitation to her house for a meal. That was a big gesture on her part. There was never a rancor. I’m happy that I have these people in my life.

What binds you with Aamir?

 Our honesty. We have decided that if we want to be together we must be honest with each other. And that’s how you truly show respect for a person.

After eight years of marriage do you finally feel like an insider today?

 I certainly feel much more at home today as people are welcoming, warm and inclusive. Even though I’d worked with established filmmakers in the past I preferred being at the fringes and I would have remained there had I not been married to Aamir. Thanks to him and people’s love for him, I have seen a nice, warm and happy side of the industry.

Before marrying Aamir, what were your thoughts on filmstars?

I think I was marginally snobbish myself. But not those shallow kinds who would judge a person on the basis of their labels. My opinion would revolve around creativity. I would be patronizing and little dismissive about some kind of work because I thought they were uncool. I would also keep away from the filmstars because I’d assumed they were of a certain breed--self-obsessed, narcissist and not that smart. But after interacting I realized that they have world views and are very warm and affectionate. So I was a classic film school snob and considered that sort of snobbery as cool. Today, with age I’m much more open minded than I was.

t � S t �� �p� set another trend. It stripped away all the glamour and gave you a very naked movie.

Whose works inspire you the most?

There are many. But Robert De Niro remains my all time favorite. I admire him a lot. In fact, in my pursuit to be more like him, I would mimic dialogues from his movies for my friends in college. I loved what he did to himself in The Untouchable-shaving off his hairline, gaining all that weight for a film where he had only a few scenes, it was truly inspirational.

And the sequel to Zindegi Na Milegi Dobara?

We had a great time. I hope it happens soon. Don’t know much about it. Zoya can tell you.

What’s the status of Zoya’s film which was based on your and her story?

 It’s not true that it’s based on our lives. There is a film about siblings and we’re producing it. There are many things universally common about siblings- love, concern, caring and dependency- but that doesn’t need to be our story.